Maximum Ride: Faxness Galore and Even More
by nahxahn
Summary: Yes, there is Faxness. But when three members of the Flock disappear, what lengths will the others go to to get them back? Please review, if you don't there won't be any point in me writing more. So, please, let me what you think of it.
1. Let's Split Up!

**Max's POV**

Ok, this was probably not the best idea. Here I am, flying over Cincinnati, and Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel are all behind me. Now this may not seem like a bad idea, but if you consider that behind the rest of the Flock there were about 30 Erasers about ready to rip our guts out, that might put things into perspective.

"Ok, spread out!!!" I yelled to the Flock over the sound of wind rushing past me. "They're still trailing us!"

Apparently the flight endurance of the Erasers had been upgraded, 'cause we had been flying for a few hours. I could see that Angel was beginning to run out of energy. I was hoping that the Erasers would go for me, as they were led by Ari, who completely hates my guts. I was wrong. As soon as the Flock was apart, the Erasers targeted my two weaknesses, Fang and Angel.

**Iggy's POV**

I knew something was wrong as soon as I heard Max scream.

"WHAT?" I asked, desperate to know what got the usually level-headed (ok somewhat) Max to cry out like that.

"FANG!!! ANGEL!!!" Max sounded like she was crying hysterically. I only wished that I could see so I could rescue Fang and Angel so Max didn't feel so torn.

"Look, Max. I'll yell at Nudge and Gazzy to go after Angel. Then you can go after Fang!" That sounded like a pretty good idea to me. Of course, I had no clue what was happening to Fang and Nudge, but I figured my plan would work regardless.

**Gazzy's POV**

"Gazzy, get Nudge and go save Angel" I heard Ig yell. I scanned the sky around me. Nudge was directly to my left, her dark curls wrapping around her head as she flew with a determined look carved onto her amazing face.

"Nudge!!! Nudgester!!!!!" I yelled until she turned to look at me. "Help me with Angel!!!" She flew towards me, and she looked at me, worried.

"What happened to Angel?" She asked.

"I honestly don't know, but we're gonna save my sister!" I said and flew straight down to where the body of Angel was plummeting down.

"We can't fly as fast as she's falling!!!" Nudge screamed bloody murder as she realized that poor Angel was gonna to SPLAT if we didn't catch her soon.

"No, we can't. Zephyr going into freefall mode!!!!" I tucked my wings into my back and fell. I watched as Nudge did the same. We fell, gaining on Angel every second. After what seemed about a million years, we were below Angel's limp form. I started to unfold my wings to catch her and bring her up, when we hit something solid, and we hit it hard.

**Fang's POV**

"(Insert swear word of your choice here) Erasers!!" I yelled. My mother would be so proud of me. Looking around, I noticed that there were about 20 Erasers surrounding me, all eager to rip me limb from limb. Those unfortunate beasts, they had no idea what was in store for them. I whipped around, ready to fight to the death, when the Erasers attack. "Ok, a little sooner that I expected, but this'll do!" I roundhouse kicked one in the you-know-where, and he flew straight into the others, knocking them out. "Alright, four freakin' Erasers down. Who's next?"

Apparently, all of them were next. Every single Eraser jumped onto me, their claws and teeth bared. I was a goner. But I was a goner determined to kill as many of those jerky-know-it-all-loser Erasers with me.

Just as I turned, my fist raised, ready to hit the Eraser nearest to me, I was pulled up. I raised my head so fast it popped.

"$!!#!$ that hurts!!!" I yelled straight into the face of Max. "MAX??"

"You can't expect me to do this every time Fang!" She yelled back at me.

"You had better not ever do that again!!" I yelled back. "I can handle myself thanks!"

"Yeah, it looks so much like you had everything under control back there! With what? 20 Erasers on top of you."

"A minor setback!" I muttered to myself, I knew Max was right. She looked so sad after we had argued, I unfurled my wings and flew up until Max and I were eye to eye. I leaned in until my lips brushed against hers.

"Fang, you know I love you." She said, with her eyes closed as we leaned in to kiss again.

"I know, I love me too." I said as we broke apart again. OW! I probably shouldn't have said that.

**Max's POV**

"Well, isn't that sweet. The two birds are in love. Too bad they won't last to give each other another hug." Ari had apparently fought his way out of the confusion of Erasers just to come after me and Fang. Just as I raised my hand to pound Ari straight out of the air, my little voice started talking to me yet again.

_Don't do anything without thinking it through, Max._ The familiar voice sounded almost comforting. NOT!!! Ok, I'll think it through. I thought. It's time to kick some Eraser bootie. I let my fist connect with Ari's jaw. He growled dangerously at me.

"Well, I guess I'll let you live, this time. But only cause you have bigger problems."

"What problems?" I snarled back. "The only problem I have is here and now, you're still alive!!!"

"You might want to think about your little friends before you make that conclusion." Ari turned and flew away. Taking what few Erasers that had survived battling each other with him. I looked around, wondering what Ari meant about my "little friends".

_Max, you and Fang are okay, but what about the others?_ This was probably one of the only times where my little voice has actually helped me out. I scanned the sky around me. There was Iggy, sitting in a tree about 15 feet below us. But where was Nudge? Gazzy? Angel? They were all nowhere to be found.


	2. Little Tree

**Just cause I forgot to add this in the last one, all of the Characters in Maximum Ride do not belong to me, they all belong to James Patterson, sadly.**

**Nudge's POV**

"Ok, Angel, like, where are we?" I asked. I mean, Angel was a cutie and all, but when you're falling out of the sky, and then all of a sudden you're in a dark room in the middle of nowhere, you gotta be firm. At least that's what Max says. Ok, Max doesn't actually say that, cause we've never been falling out of the sky and then all of a sudden in a dark room in the middle of nowhere before, but if we had, I bet that would be exactly what she'd say. Or, maybe she'd just freak out and have another brain attack.

"Nudge, are you think-talking to yourself again?" Gazzy looked over at me. His wide eyes were filled with concern.

"No, of course not. What are you talking about? I mean, why would I be talking to myself in my mind? That would, like, be weird. But, seriously, Angel, where are we?" Okay, so maybe I do have a loudmouth problem. Or is that too obvious? Did I really even need to tell you that? Ok, I'm gonna, like, stop now.

"I really don't know." Angel said, "I started to fall so those Erasers wouldn't hurt me, and I was hoping that I wouldn't hit the ground, and then POOF! I was here, on this couch, and you two were here beside me." Oh, great, now the amazing Angel can teleport, too. "I heard that!!!" Angel looked at me.

"Sorry Ang, but we really need to get out of here. Max is gonna be worried. I mean, we disappeared out of nowhere and came here. I wonder where the heck we are." I paced around the room, looking for a door. I mean, there had to be one, right? "Wait, Angel! You can teleport us back!"

"Okay, I'll try." Angel screwed up her face. She was really concentrating hard. The room disappeared around us, and we were left floating in empty blackness. I expected something to come, but nothing did. "Uh, Nudge?" I looked down. Angel was tugging at my sleeve. "I gotta go potty." She looked at me expectantly.

"Oh great! You could have thought of that before you got us stuck in the middle of nowhere!!!" Gazzy was freaking out.

"I'm sorry, but I'm only six. I have a small bladder!" Angel had tears in her eyes now.

"It's okay, Ang. Just try to concentrate on getting us outta here, and we can go find a bathroom."

"But, Nudge, I have to go now. Don't you see that my bladder problem is much more important than whatever problem we have now?" The voice was coming from the direction of Angel, but her mouth wasn't moving.

"Gazzy, now is NOT the time for jokes."

"Fine Nudge, but I think we should lighten up a little. Do you wanna know what the abbreviation for decameter is?"

"I already know what the abbreviation is and I don't think Angel cares. Come on Ang, concentrate."

**Max's POV**

"Where are they?" I paced around.

_Max, don't worry. You know full well that Nudge can take care of herself. So can the others. Concentrate on the here and now._ Yeah, that's exactly what I want to do when half of my family is missing!

"You know Angel, Max; she's probably off convincing someone to buy her a bear or adopting a talking dog somewhere." Fang was talking to me now. "Calm down, or you're gonna have another spaz attack."

"Do you have a problem with talking dogs?" A voice came from below me. I looked down.

"TOTAL!!! CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE ANGEL IS?????" I screamed at the sight of the small furry mammal.

"OW! That was my ear you screamed in. And no, I don't know where Angel has gone." Drat! Total was my last hope.

"Max," Iggy was quiet, but I heard him all the same.

"What, Ig?" I looked at him.

"I say we just wait. Angel, Nudge and Gazzy will find their way back eventually." Why does everyone have to sound like my voice?

_Maybe it's because I'm RIGHT!!!_

Ugh. Someday I swear I'm gonna kill myself just to get rid of that voice.

_You can't hurt yourself Max, you have to save the world._

Ok, whatever. But I'm still gonna hurt that stupid voice.

**Gasman's POV**

I've always wanted to be trapped in the middle of nowhere, and now that I am, I can honestly say that it's not that exciting. It's actually kinda boring. Well here I am, just sitting here and waiting for SOMETHING to happen, when there it was. A tree. Not very big, and not very exciting, but when you're in the middle of nowhere ANYTHING new excites you. I closed my eyes, figuring that if I was gonna be stuck here I might as well get some shut-eye.

"Little tree! Little tree!" Angel was singing. "Little silent Christmas tree! You are so little!! More like a flower!!! Who found you?"

"Ang, can you talk to plants now or something?" I asked.

"No. Little tree! Little tree! Little silent Christmas tree! Were you sorry to leave the forest? I'll comfort you!!!!!!!!!" Her song had NO tune, NO point, and NO fun. I am in PAIN!!!!!!!

**Fang's POV**

I never thought of myself of 'needing' Nudge, Gazzy, or Angel like Max does, but man, she is keeping her head together about all of this them being gone stuff and here I am, just about ready to rip something apart. Limb by freakin' limb. In fact, I almost wish those stupid Erasers would come back, just 'cause I'm really bored and I gotta do something.

Max walked in. She took one look at me and said, "Go outside Fang. You'll feel better."

Why not? I went outside, and there was this little tree there that I'd never seen before. I think Max planted it. Either that or Ig rigged it to explode.

"Little tree, if you don't tell me where the others are I shall be forced to hurt you very badly." I don't know what the heck made me say it, but it came out sounding very official. I picked up the axe, about ready to chop it down, when I figured, what the hey, I might as well torture the thing before I chop it down. "Little tree, little tree. Little SILENT Christmas tree." I'm pulling out the needles one by one. "You are so little." So freakin' little. "More like a flower." 'Cause even two year olds can kill flowers. "Who found you?" I bet you wish you could have stayed with them huh buddy? "Little tree, little tree. Little SILENT Christmas tree." You really should talk now tree, you're running out of needles. "Were you sorry to leave the forest?" If you weren't then, you are now. "I'll comfort you." Yeah right.

Ok, I just talked, no SANG to a tree. What is freakin' wrong with me? I'm really crazy. But what makes me even crazier is the fact that the freakin' tree is talking back.

"Alright, I'll talk."


	3. Flashback MANIA

**Fang's POV**

I am totally insane. This BRITTISH tree is talking to me. Am I a mutant freak or what? Actually, I am a mutant freak, but now I have even more issues.

"Ok, talk you stupid tree. Tell me where Angel is before I break off every limb in your body, er, trunk."

Iggy was walking by. He heard my voice and turned to me.

"Ig, there's something I have to tell you." I paused, about ready to say this tree is talking to me, but my voice went on. "You're a sexy pig!"

This tree is getting more annoying by the second.

"Um, Fang? I don't like you that way. I'm sorry. But your confession has inspired me!" Iggy took out a cell phone. I wonder how he got that. He dialed a number, and the other line picked up.

"Veronica? Is it you? I have a confession to make. I love you!...I KNOW you say that you have no idea who I am. I KNOW you keep telling me that you're in jail. I KNOW you say your name isn't Veronica. I KNOW you keep telling me that if I don't leave you alone you're gonna come, figure out where I live, and kill me in my sleep. I am willing to work around that. PLEASE VERONICA, PLEASE!!!!!" Apparently the line went dead, because Iggy turned to me with a sad face. "Fang please! Fang! FANG!!!!"

"WHAT?" I snapped. Max was looking down into my face.

"Are you okay?" She asked. "I came out here to ask you WHY you decided to call Ig a sexy pig and I find you curled up in a ball out here. Iggy said you were acting funny when he left you. Are you okay?" She repeated.

"I'm fine. So there is no Veronica?"

"Veronica? Who's Veronica? Is there something I should know?"

"Nothing nothing, don't ask." PHEW at least I was dreaming up that part.

"Ig also wanted to know if you had seen his radioactive waste."

"Oh, that? I don't know."

_I was walking into the house, and I was hungry. The fridge was empty, except for a tin of something marked RADIOACTIVE WASTE DO NOT EAT. That's the problem with living in a house full of mutant freaks, there is never any food in the freakin' fridge. Oh well, I guess this radioactive stuff looks ok. Yum, it tastes like chicken._

"Actually, I do know what happened to the stuff, I ate it."

"YOU WHAT?!?!?!?!!" Iggy was back, and he had heard me.

"I was hungry and the fridge was empty okay?"

"Did you not see the DO NOT EAT sign? Doesn't the fact that it has WASTE in the name strike any fear into your thick skull?" Iggy was mad.

"Sorry," I shrugged. "My bad."

"Fang, you seriously need to shape up. I'll let it go this time, because I think the cause was you eating a bucket of radioactive waste." Max shook her head and walked away.

"Have a jing-a-ling day!" The tree was back, again. I was starting to know what Max felt like with her voice. Max turned back to me with a look of pure joy on her face.

"YOU KNOW JING-A-LING TOO? OH FANG, I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!" Well that got a good response, considering it came from a TREE.

"Um… ok" I said.

"Well, bye Fang. And don't do anything stupid!"

"Come on Max, when have I ever done anything stupid?"

"Fang, what about that one time when you convinced Nudge to stick her finger in an outlet?"

_We were standing by the wall. Nudge was looking curiously at an outlet. She poked her finger cautiously towards the wall. DO IT DO IT DO IT Gazzy and Angel were chanting. "Nudge, no, don't." I said without expression. Her finger entered the outlet. She vibrated violently. Her scream was drowned out by laughter from the three of us watching. We nudged Nudge away from the outlet, laughing._

"HA! Those were the days!" Max glared at me. "I mean, that was an immature thing to do and I will never do anything like that again." She glared at me one last time, and walked away. I turned back to the tree, which, amazingly, had been pretty quiet.

"So tree, back to my question, WHERE IS ANGEL?"

"Well, Angel, as you call her, has acquired a teleportation skill. As she was attempting to teleport home from the skirmish you fought, she concentrated insufficiently, resulting in an impermanent postponement in nonexistence."

Dang, not only does this tree talk, it's a freakin' genius. At least now I can tell Max what happened to Angel.


	4. Stupid Warning Labels!

**WARNING!!! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAINSAW WITH HANDS OR GENITALS. **(This is a REAL chainsaw label… We Americans sure are smartical aren't we?)

**Fang's POV**

Right, well I was about ready to tell Max all about the tree and how it talks and everything. Simple, right? Well, according to Max, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Jeb, and just about every other person I have met in my life, I, The Great Fang, can transform any simple task into an impossibility. I know what you're thinking, I can't believe it either!

Well, I remembered how I was going to destroy that stupid tree in the first place, and I figured I should do it now before I get into any more trouble. So, I picked up the chainsaw I had in the backyard and started it up.

**Angel's POV**

"LA LA LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OW!" I just finished my 17th song. "My voice hurts! And I still have to pee!"

"Oh, that's horrible. I guess you'll just have to stop singing." I think the Gasman is a little annoyed at me. Oh well!

"Um… Ang? Maybe you could try to concentrate more on getting us outta here than thinking up new songs?" Even Nudge is mad at me. I don't like it when people are mad at me. "No, Ang! Don't cry!"

"Kay, I'll try to get us outta here." I closed my eyes and thought hard. All of a sudden, I didn't have to pee no more. My pants weren't even wet! And then, we were back! Where? I didn't know...

**Fang's POV**

"MMMMMMWWWWWWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I laughed evilly as I held the chainsaw over the little tree.

"No! No! No!" The little British voice screamed. I didn't show any mercy. I brought the chainsaw down on the tree using all of my strength, and sorta-kinda dented the lawn. But the tree was dead!!! HA HA HA!!!

The tree was dead, but how to stop this stupid chainsaw? I looked everywhere for an off button. There wasn't one. I tried pushing the ON button again to see if that worked. It didn't. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH the stupid thing won't turn off!! What do I do? RUNAWAY CHAINSAW!!!!" I screamed to myself.

"You know what I say in a time like this," I muttered back to myself. "Fang, you are a man. A real man. A STRONG man. And Fang, do you know what a man would do here? He would stop that chainsaw using sheer strength." So, I did. I grabbed the chainsaw.

"AAAAAAAAH! The stupid thing still won't stop! Now my hands are bleeding!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! Now I don't have any hands!!!!" I screamed to myself again.

"Remember Fang, you are a man." I muttered to myself back again. "What else can you use to stop it?" (See label at beginning of story) I was just ready to resort to drastic measures when Max came and found me, covered in blood, playing with my chainsaw. Why does she always find me in the most embarrassing situations? She's never gonna love me if I keep looking like a moron in front of her. I guess I love me enough for the both of us, but it could get kinda awkward.

"FANG!!!! What are you doing?" She looked alarmed.

"I'm stopping a chainsaw!!" She rolled her eyes.

"Do you NEVER read labels?" She walked over and held down the ON button. The runaway chainsaw was tamed. And look at that! My hands were shredded, but still firmly attached to my wrists!! "See?" She pointed at a large yellow square on the chainsaw with neon orange writing. They could have made it easier to see. "Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands or …genitals?" You have to wonder why they put THAT on the label. Has it been done before? Yeah, I know I just tried to, but remember, I transform a simple task into an impossibility.

"Well, I try not to read too much because it requires thinking. And you KNOW what thinking does to me."

"Well, don't you remember what happened with that piano?"

_I was standing by a staircase._

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! It's a runaway piano! __Heading straight towards me!!" I screamed to myself._

_"Be a man, Fang, just swallow it." Why not? I opened my mouth. For some reason, the piano didn't fit. I kinda was out for the next few days, and I still don't know what happened. All I know is I woke up to Max showing me a label on it that read "WARNING! COULD CAUSE DAMAGE OR DEATH IF SWALLOWED!" Who knew?_

"Hey! That doesn't count! I was young then!!!!" I protested.

"Fang, that was last week." She had to point that out, didn't she?

"Ok, but I know what happened to Angel!!!" I had to change the subject, NOW. Otherwise I might have been forced to endure even MORE awful flashbacks. Like the one when I bowed down to the juice maker. Hey, it was called the Master of Life Juicer. You would have bowed down to it if you had seen it!

"WHAT!!!" Max grabbed me by my shirt.

"Uh, she's trapped in like the middle of nowhere or something." The man part of me hates to admit it (but then, the man part of me is often stupid) but Max scares me sometimes.

"Well then, we're just going to find our way to the middle of nowhere, aren't we?"


End file.
